whatever your hands find to do...rock out!
my manager has been brow-beating this concept, i mean, like kidney punching it into me. however he came at it like Jesus clearly said " what ever your hands find to do, do them to the best of your ability and/or to the glory or God". but that means nothing if you dont' find meaning in what you do.
lately I've been finding meaning. but does this also mean do with what you've got don't look forward to getting any more??? I thought that to be a ...strange feeling for those in the who are meter maids, sewage jumpers and the milk man who have no other prospects, and well people who haven't been given as many talents as most or aren't always appreciated in whatever job they find themselves.
I know there are loads of people who rock whatever they've been given to do so I feel compelled to do better with all that I have. I am moved the be the hittin'-est jamBila the world has EVER seen. I wanna take all my talents and milk them for all they are worth and give, give, give!
so, it seems the verbal abuse of repition has finally found it's destination. an understanding of what I'm to do with what I do. the only question now is how? and for whom? I'm sure it will be a fun and exciting journey answering those questions too!
Sep 18, 2007
the irony lies with in the namesake
(when my blog was called the adventures of another "happy girl")
i'm sure the irony of the name of this blog has not escaped everyone. but clearly it never occurred to me until a couple of months ago. i kept hoping i would shed light on the happier things in my journey as a ... well, wherever i'd find myself at the moment, and that i wouldn't just be some bitter chica with a twisted blog name.
this has GOT to change. I used to be good times most of the time, (really! I'm talking DYNOMITE!) not "oh she has her moments" girl.
and i'll be john brown if I take a step back and see that girl again! I mean, I had a character named after me for crying in the mud! Happy Girl! My high school art teacher/friend even went to the lengths of making a calendar of Happy Girl. Me! twelve months of jamila!!! imagine! but life ain't like no post card (another way happy girl took form) and i never expected it to be, but this is ridiculous!
lately i've been thinking a lot about the person the 8 yr-old jamila thought she might grow to be. I we mostly thought about like the fleeting attractions and silly things in my life but most of my expectations seemed pretty solid. i thought i would be super cool, with no boy particular boy in sight just enjoying the view ( i've always liked boys) and a happy artist. now i'm an artist and misery has replaced my joy, i'm constantly worried about pleasing those around me and...it sucks. I never thought that I would be so...annoyed all the time or hate more things than I love. is it cuz i let myself down?? oh this age of never-ending questions...i'm slowly learning to appreciate it. but back to little mila.
i thought i would be the girl who let her "little light shine 'til Jesus come" yet i have forsaken her. sometimes, usually around my b-day i'm like "sorry kiddo, maybe this new year (my birthday having passed two weeks ago) I'll find brighter days or just be the bright bila you were thinking of". here's to a brighter bila (imaginary light raised to my younger self).
I think my gradual abandonment of my younger self is why I've held on to every age with a vise grip, cuz i know with growth come pain at least in my experience. with every age I've been a little more afraid of the next. but that little mila was fearless. maybe she and I should be homies again. maybe it will make me that bigger/badder woman I am slowly but surely becoming. that mila didn't care about her weight or what other kids said or how they were living. that mila was the business. Though she new hard times she didn't let it get her down.
i know it's strange to be talking to one's younger self and referring to befriending her...but this is how i roll sometimes :) so here's to another happy girl. cheers!
i'm sure the irony of the name of this blog has not escaped everyone. but clearly it never occurred to me until a couple of months ago. i kept hoping i would shed light on the happier things in my journey as a ... well, wherever i'd find myself at the moment, and that i wouldn't just be some bitter chica with a twisted blog name.
this has GOT to change. I used to be good times most of the time, (really! I'm talking DYNOMITE!) not "oh she has her moments" girl.
and i'll be john brown if I take a step back and see that girl again! I mean, I had a character named after me for crying in the mud! Happy Girl! My high school art teacher/friend even went to the lengths of making a calendar of Happy Girl. Me! twelve months of jamila!!! imagine! but life ain't like no post card (another way happy girl took form) and i never expected it to be, but this is ridiculous!
lately i've been thinking a lot about the person the 8 yr-old jamila thought she might grow to be. I we mostly thought about like the fleeting attractions and silly things in my life but most of my expectations seemed pretty solid. i thought i would be super cool, with no boy particular boy in sight just enjoying the view ( i've always liked boys) and a happy artist. now i'm an artist and misery has replaced my joy, i'm constantly worried about pleasing those around me and...it sucks. I never thought that I would be so...annoyed all the time or hate more things than I love. is it cuz i let myself down?? oh this age of never-ending questions...i'm slowly learning to appreciate it. but back to little mila.
i thought i would be the girl who let her "little light shine 'til Jesus come" yet i have forsaken her. sometimes, usually around my b-day i'm like "sorry kiddo, maybe this new year (my birthday having passed two weeks ago) I'll find brighter days or just be the bright bila you were thinking of". here's to a brighter bila (imaginary light raised to my younger self).
I think my gradual abandonment of my younger self is why I've held on to every age with a vise grip, cuz i know with growth come pain at least in my experience. with every age I've been a little more afraid of the next. but that little mila was fearless. maybe she and I should be homies again. maybe it will make me that bigger/badder woman I am slowly but surely becoming. that mila didn't care about her weight or what other kids said or how they were living. that mila was the business. Though she new hard times she didn't let it get her down.
i know it's strange to be talking to one's younger self and referring to befriending her...but this is how i roll sometimes :) so here's to another happy girl. cheers!
a couple of blessings and a few expletives
so i know everyday we're blessed beyond comprehension but today in particular two blessings stood out more than others. first, after class today i got a call from my aunt who wanted me to do something (an art piece) for the Christmas play among other things. for those not in the know, i don't have a job so I do odd jobs like cleaning and portraits or other artsy stuff for people...so, this is grand for me!
on my way to the car while still on the phone i remembered what hit me like a ton of bricks twenty minutes before class ended. i hadn't paid my meter since i left it 2.5 hrs earlier. i got to the car crossing the busy street safely and...NOTHING. i didn't get a ticket. and it was still there! i didn't know what to due with my thanks but thank the Lord many times over. I then called my mom cuz i didn't know what else to do i was sooo happy!!!! she said to just do what i had done and didn't know what else to say...two minutes later she received a call with a frantic child on the line...me of course.
I had forgotten my ipod in the art bldg and had to turn back and get it. then the swearing and crying and other hysterics began (hyperventilation styles). when i looked to make my U-ey there wasn't anything there but BAM!!! when i started to turn i got licked on the driver's side. totally my fault and the fact that i had definitely lost my ipod now, i began to swear, but not when i got hit. just when it hit me. strange huh?
anyway i said "sorry Jesus," and began crying, i think i immediately realized what i had done. I wasn't really apologizing for swearing i don't think but after being so happy i was tested. it was like. "if you asked me to take care of your car why didn't you trust me with the ipod". then i thought "hogwash!!!"..and then "or not???. ok, sorry again."
i went back and looked for my ipod. nothing. i must have looked a mess all red-faced and mumbling. i got back in the car and tried to breathe. i must have called my mom about ten times after everything happened. that time i called to tell her that it was gone and i could barely close my door due to my latest lesson learned. i still couldn't breathe and was now hyperventilating. i was so upset!!! then i asked for peace, just oxygen and peace. twenty seconds later i breathed sanely and somewhat normal, thinking "i just needed to ask. why didn't i ask..." then with the door open i screamed, and i'm not even sure if i asked nicely..."HELP ME FIND MY IPOD!"
the end of the story is i feel foolish and sad cuz when i opened my eyes i see that it had fallen between the console and the passenger seat. all i had to do was ask and my car would be fine and i wouldn't have to tell three different insurance guys my account of what happened. hopefully this it he last time i'll have to tell it! if anyone asks i'm jsut saying, "read my blog "or "i don't wanna talk about it"...at least for now.
garr and umm???... i'm still confused as to how to deal with all of this.
on my way to the car while still on the phone i remembered what hit me like a ton of bricks twenty minutes before class ended. i hadn't paid my meter since i left it 2.5 hrs earlier. i got to the car crossing the busy street safely and...NOTHING. i didn't get a ticket. and it was still there! i didn't know what to due with my thanks but thank the Lord many times over. I then called my mom cuz i didn't know what else to do i was sooo happy!!!! she said to just do what i had done and didn't know what else to say...two minutes later she received a call with a frantic child on the line...me of course.
I had forgotten my ipod in the art bldg and had to turn back and get it. then the swearing and crying and other hysterics began (hyperventilation styles). when i looked to make my U-ey there wasn't anything there but BAM!!! when i started to turn i got licked on the driver's side. totally my fault and the fact that i had definitely lost my ipod now, i began to swear, but not when i got hit. just when it hit me. strange huh?
anyway i said "sorry Jesus," and began crying, i think i immediately realized what i had done. I wasn't really apologizing for swearing i don't think but after being so happy i was tested. it was like. "if you asked me to take care of your car why didn't you trust me with the ipod". then i thought "hogwash!!!"..and then "or not???. ok, sorry again."
i went back and looked for my ipod. nothing. i must have looked a mess all red-faced and mumbling. i got back in the car and tried to breathe. i must have called my mom about ten times after everything happened. that time i called to tell her that it was gone and i could barely close my door due to my latest lesson learned. i still couldn't breathe and was now hyperventilating. i was so upset!!! then i asked for peace, just oxygen and peace. twenty seconds later i breathed sanely and somewhat normal, thinking "i just needed to ask. why didn't i ask..." then with the door open i screamed, and i'm not even sure if i asked nicely..."HELP ME FIND MY IPOD!"
the end of the story is i feel foolish and sad cuz when i opened my eyes i see that it had fallen between the console and the passenger seat. all i had to do was ask and my car would be fine and i wouldn't have to tell three different insurance guys my account of what happened. hopefully this it he last time i'll have to tell it! if anyone asks i'm jsut saying, "read my blog "or "i don't wanna talk about it"...at least for now.
garr and umm???... i'm still confused as to how to deal with all of this.
Sep 4, 2007
Devotion Dilemma
It seems that I should take these...daily jewels (My Utmost for His Highest Devotional)of info in small strides. I've been reading other devotions and stuff and trying to come to some new... who knows. Each day I hoped I would find a glimpse of God through these readings...I had a glimpse but not really experienced...I'm not sure what I've experienced at this pint I've just grown the more...confused and affraid I'll never really get it. I've had a hardened heart for a long time and even when I will myself and pray for a willing spirit or a new spirit or right spirit..i dont' really feel moved, just all the more confused.
Maybe I could do what Eri did a while ago and just stick with the same entry or whatever it's called until I'm comfortable enough to move on. Today's reading was like. what?! I just had to be honest with myself and admit that I'm like in grade 5 with Jesus. Today's reading took like 11th grade knowledge and spiritual maturity to process. I'm not nearly as far ahead in this as I would have hoped to be.
BLLLGH! that's it for my devotion delimma. From now own maybe I'll do things at my own pace and not feel the need to keep going whether or not I've fully grasped the each concept.
Maybe I could do what Eri did a while ago and just stick with the same entry or whatever it's called until I'm comfortable enough to move on. Today's reading was like. what?! I just had to be honest with myself and admit that I'm like in grade 5 with Jesus. Today's reading took like 11th grade knowledge and spiritual maturity to process. I'm not nearly as far ahead in this as I would have hoped to be.
BLLLGH! that's it for my devotion delimma. From now own maybe I'll do things at my own pace and not feel the need to keep going whether or not I've fully grasped the each concept.
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