I had a dream of appreciation once and it went like so...

These are bits a pieces of a dream about a platonic love expressed in a conversation between two friends....

1. I wish everyone could have someone like you.
Not to own or to lend as they choose or anything ...but everyone needs one of you.
Now that I've got one, I've realized that people need "You".
A place where one can fall into the tiniest pieces
And the other can help at least mend the edges.

2. Sometimes the words you speak may be few,
But however long they are profound, sincere, and true.
And with that I realize that I've always seen God in you.
My initial experiences told me so and in away I feel as though
He sought me out through you.

3. Your way of loving me is like that healing software for the crashing system.
Your "I Love You"s are wrapped in a tickle of the throat, the wrinkle in your smile
Or where the crows' feet meet your eyes.

4. I love how you translate, so simply put
Spoken with fluency much like your world of art.

5. We'll never hurt each other because we'll never quite really know each other.
This is all so child-like. So valuable. So awesome.

6. I've learned to love in the least selfish way I've ever known.
Again, I see God in you, the heft of simple/random questions
The way you answer questions with questions.

7. Thank you for never making me wish I was someone else. Or making me feel as if you wished you were with someone else.

8. Though our paths aren't as familiar as they once were
I still feel comfortable with conveying how I see things...for whatever it's worth.

daaang

WARNING: These thoughts may be somewhat disconnected and I shall try and end it before this becomes the spills of a Bumbling Bila.

This whole thing is in response to Sr. Thought Provoker's Blog...

Shit guy! You put it down! I too have let my mind go wild wondering such things...not as eloquently but pondered nonetheless. So many things having been addressed but I'll just give what I've got.

I have found that, in the practice of telling the truth, the problem seems to lie within the fact that we have not yet bought into (the lie for many) "the truth will set you free". It's often taxing. The maintenance required is almost equal to the lie we tell to avoid it..no?

Being truthful to those we could care less about is easier cuz we don't give 2 craps about it's repercussions...where it may lead...for example hurting strangers' feelings or someone we barely know isn't beneath most because we don't have to deal with their pain and could care less about how they view you as a result.

The case with those closest to us is that we often avoid truth in hopes to preserve something...whether it be and image of ourselves or or a "comfort level" acquired. I almost wanna say it's pure laziness but... no, I guess it is just that fear that we may not be able to keep up the charade that "all will be fine" if we do in fact deal with the truth on a regular basis. will it set us free? Dunno for sure but it's a hell of a lot of work. and that we already know. Thus, we keep telling the little lies that we think'll lead us in a preferred yet unknown direction.

As far as baring it all, truth styles...dunno... The heart of truth as we know is so brutal. Maybe there's no need to ALWAYS let it be known... God could never reveal all of himself to us because it's beyond our understanding and I don't think we can ever truly reveal ourselves to anyone but Him because we don't really understand our own humanity, nor can we always accept it.

DAMN!!! Truth is brutal cuz it causes us to see how gross we really are. So where are we now, truth leads to enlightenment? What happens once we find it? What if we can't handle it? AHHHHH!

If God is truth, does that mean that he's brutal to? I guess. Right? It's just one of his traits. As I've poured out some stuff and spilled others I feel as though they've become more loosely connected/disconnected whatever... thoughts after this will become intolerable so I'm out...still wondering.

Strange Beginnings

While late, as usual, to another day at The Office I was surprised yet somewhat relieved at how flipping cold it was in the middle of June. My car's thermostat read 61or 64 degrees F. I thought nothing of it as I walked to the Metro Station until I was running up the escalator. Once having reached I immediately realized it was going to be a long and cold/windy walk to my designated metro port. (I enter the cars at a certain point everyday to cut back on queues and the amount of pits I have to smell on my way to switch Metro lines. The regular Metro-ees should understand my plight.)

After finally reaching my spot, I bravely took a stab at the thought of standing in one of (what i call) those containment stations. You know the double-ended plexi-glass box that doesn't quite reach the ground? They're kinda funky sometimes but they do a good job of blocking the high winds that flow through the platform or as I often refer to it as the "vent".
So as I get about a foot into the box I notice this lady(about 25+) sitting and BALLING her eyes out on the phone! I slowing stepped back hearing "NO! I'm already at the metro!" and simply leaned on the outside of the box. Remember, my only purpose was to not freeze on the platform. I had to keep warm. I stood there about a foot away from the entrance and thought "DAMN, that must suck what ever it is...i wonder...no. It must be about work she's dressed real nice... maybe an interview??? That sucks she's late!...maybe???" The train was 5 minutes away.

I didn't know it at the time but I was no longer cold and was only preocuppied with the little yelps/sighs coming from theh box. Other people cared less than I about going in or bothering her. She was clearly growing more uncomfortable and feeling foolish for BALLING in public as they piled in. When the train was about a minute away people started to leave and I thought, "OK I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna hug this stranger...if she let's me".

Everyone, save one little lady, having emptied out, I approached her with an uncomfortable feeling (Ricky Bobby talking in the camera for the first time), I crouched down and asked her in a almost a whisper, "Do you want a hug?". She said in between light sobs, "It's so stupid I'm just late for a really important job," and only whimpered a little. I said, "OK" and hugged her anyway. She began to stand as I did so. It was an awkward hug only because she was half standing like "feeling the burn" in some sort of squat. The Hug continued for about 15-30 seconds and then she stood. She followed me to the port and ended up sitting next across from me toward the back of the train. Though she was still Ruby Red, she had obviously calmed down a bit.

I prayed for her through my strange ride. I was reading 2 Kings where some guy name "J" something succeeds another king after killing him and the king's son and later the kings mom, Jezebel. Between processing the hug and one of the "R" rated chapters in the Bible(it was a bit graphic talking about how the men threw her over the wall and how her blood splattered on it as she fell). I was like huh? It was a very strange start to the day.

The lady got up to leave at my stop and said as cheerful as possible, "Thanks alot", and smiled. I allowed her to go well ahead of me in order to minimize the ...dunno sheepish/awkwardness between us now. Once the doors opened, she was off! She scurried to be first in the line to go down stairs to the Blue/Orange line. That was the last I saw of her. I joined the queue to go downstairs quite a while after her, no longer caring that I was late or people's frowzy pits, barely phased that some heifer had just hit me in the boob pretty hard or that some dude had just stepped on my poor foot. Though my face probably conveyed otherwise I was content.

It was indeed a strange beginning ...