ha! so it turns out that i won't have to see fam or denver in a box. i can't go to jamaica just like i couldn't visit aunt dawn, cuz i'm broke. denver was deported so the u.s. government has gracefully denied his body access to ever touch their territory again. how badass no? blhhhh!!!. i could puke on that flag right now. or just the immagration or justice or which ever department makes this decision.
blhhhhhh!
Dec 21, 2007
tired of crying and i can't see...
So Dec. 6, 2007 my aunt Dawn Collette Davis went to rest in the arms of "her" Jesus. I found that she has alot to do with the person i am today. she was and is one of my biggest heroes while living and dying. I wanted to dedicate this entry to her but that will have to wait cuz i'm not in such a positive mood right now cuz before my aunt Dawn was buried even a full week tonight some coward in jamaica saw fit to kill my cousin denver, 3 days before christmas, outside my gramma's house...while his parents wer taking to each other on the phone. 3 days and my aunt could have seen her son. does this mean another one is coming. you know the whole "death in threes" theory. does this mean...hell. i'm sooo tired of having to make ourselves feel better by dreaming up some life our dearly departed never lived. luckily with aunt dawn she was crazy, inappropriate, real and raw and sooooooo in love with jesus. denver i'm not too sure.
he stop drugging and drinking...even partying, says my aunt colleen but... you never know and you just try to hope for the best, because taking it for what it is hurts even more than the deafening midnight call or cry heard from a relative saying, delroy, donald, and now denver are gone. such hogwash. all i've got is prayers. i say that and pause... and watch this cursor blink cuz it's really all i have to give and i know it might not sound like much to some but it's a grandest gesture possible. blink blink, my cousin is dead. shit this hurts. and how the hell am i supposed to... i dunno. i just... i can't talk so writing is the only thing that will help right now.
my mother called auntie to see just let her talk... she's seen death so many times now that she didn't really cry until she spoke to her. man, i can not do another funeral. i can't see family only cuz someone's died. i can't hear my gramma mourn another grandchild which quickly segues into her mourning her own child again.
i can't see my aunt's face as she stares at or even holds her child one last time alone, cuz uncle danny can't come home. i can't see his son!!!! i cannot see denver!!!!!! i cannot see denver davis in a ....box? a box.
he stop drugging and drinking...even partying, says my aunt colleen but... you never know and you just try to hope for the best, because taking it for what it is hurts even more than the deafening midnight call or cry heard from a relative saying, delroy, donald, and now denver are gone. such hogwash. all i've got is prayers. i say that and pause... and watch this cursor blink cuz it's really all i have to give and i know it might not sound like much to some but it's a grandest gesture possible. blink blink, my cousin is dead. shit this hurts. and how the hell am i supposed to... i dunno. i just... i can't talk so writing is the only thing that will help right now.
my mother called auntie to see just let her talk... she's seen death so many times now that she didn't really cry until she spoke to her. man, i can not do another funeral. i can't see family only cuz someone's died. i can't hear my gramma mourn another grandchild which quickly segues into her mourning her own child again.
i can't see my aunt's face as she stares at or even holds her child one last time alone, cuz uncle danny can't come home. i can't see his son!!!! i cannot see denver!!!!!! i cannot see denver davis in a ....box? a box.
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