'you can blindly trace the lines which english calls a face knowing it like a found memory,
jaw, to front, to side but if when you've reached the eyes they return an empty gaze,love is a lonely place.
what happens to the ones that love alone yet only live for love? ... that gesture, that daze, that quizical smile on one's face.
what happens to those that live the lie and love the lie they live?
'someday he will notice', and 'for once, she won't past me bye'.
hope is a lone eyelash in the unrequited's eye which some are too incapacitated to remove or swat to prevent further self-inflicted wounds.
what happens to the ones who'll lose because they'll chose to trip
on love and hope, scrapping palm and knee on agony and love never returned.'
-me
this used to be me. :waaaaaa:
but i'm not trying to be injured anymore. i'm sick of the unrequited business end of love or what ever it is when it doesnt' quite happen. it's like i somehow got kicks off of it. but it was like i was throwing a boomerang knowing it was only gonna bust me in the lip. crazy huh?
well i hope i'm through with it at least, cuz it can still happen unintentionally. no one ever really knows how things will turn out. but maybe with this change of heart i'll get some sense to determine what could be shouldn't always be.
where is this coming from? it's cold, snowing, and sara mclachlin is squeezin' out those wounded notes to 'do what i have to do'. i'm just in a cuddly mood and then sarah came on and... this all came pouring out. at some point she says 'i dont know how to let you go'. this was always about me letting go of being burned. not necessarily the person.
yet and still, memories flood my brain...painful ones. the ones that almost remind me of the life of a cindersoot. where i'm watching my knight gallop off with someone else. where i slip into the mud instead of a my own glass shoe. but just when he comes. and instead of gallivanting off with him, he suddenly sees...her. every time. but now i get that none of these 'knights' were meant for me. so... i'm just here...
watching snowflakes pile...thinking...
1 comment:
this is good jamila. why is it so easy to lie to ourselves? we do it without thinking. even when we think we've learned, we seem to fall again just then. it seems true that there is nothing we can do that is good and right on our own. it is constant struggle against our own depravity. for what we love/want most seems to be that which will only hurt us in the end. and it seems that God recognizes that and seeks to draw us with love, to allow Him the ability to change our views and desires and fill our needs, even needs to be loved, how we never could have for ourselves. it gives new meaning to 'delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart'.
i don't know where that all came from, but you inspired me :D
love you homie!
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