on the front of my license, right below my name and address, there is a little heart that means i am an organ donor. i believe this little icon has a lot to do with who i am. and how i'd like to be.
i give and give and i give... but not always to the right people at the right times. to some of the right people at the right time, yes. but it's all for naught if i don't do it when it really counts right???
also, when i give and i love things often get misconstrued. the giving is taken for weakness and the love is often poorly delivered. and taken for something else. maybe it's my rough ways or dunno. but i really feel it. and am happily dishing it out. but does that mean i'm doing it wrong?
dunno, that's just how it seems sometimes. often times i wonder after all of my loving and giving who is there to love me? many! more than many. and that makes me think i've done well. but how can one really tell if they are giving enough of them self...to the right people.
another thought...
i used to give love much more freely and less guarded. like big love and little love any kind of love. but now it seems i've wrapped it with uncertainty as to protect me from others' reactions. i guess it's just experience. life has made its mark. and i've acted accordingly... so i thought. but clearly something must be done. i used to just be open. hug and hang and feel and say how i felt. but now i'm often concerned for people's comfort levels'and what's appropriate and what they might think and...
when did this happen? i know it's important to some extent but i think i've kinda forgotten what is to just be...like affectionate without judgement. not like sucking people's faces off or anything but just like saying nice things without seeming like a suck up. or being pleasant without seeming like a pansy. or greeting a friend with a kiss.
what is really going on? this i blog may be going everywhere i know, but you know how i do.
so final thought or original thought...springer stylz.
why can't i just go through life with my little icon letting those who need me know. "should anything go wrong i'm here for you and i love you"?
well i guess i did kinda just... made this public... so to my people...you get it. i'm here for you. but to everyone else...we'll see.
1 comment:
girl i feel the love :D I know exactly what you mean, there are times i see a great friend and i just want to plant one on their cheek or squeeze the life out of them and then i second think myself in fear of how the other person would receive my affection thinking it would be mistaken for romantic, i like being affectionate in the natural response of my heart, the over flow, but the true friends wouldn't think twice about it ya know?
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