While waiting in line for my order at Potbelly the other day I noticed an incredibly and ridiculously good looking man come in. I'm talkin' hottie in the body, pretty in the face, care for the hair good-looking dude. Seriously Dude had a square jaw, perfect lips, super naturally tannish skin, broad-ass grown man shoulders, wrapped in a Navy Peacoat with the collar popped.
Being the chic that I am, I attempted to bring my vision of beauty to the attention of my gal co-workers. They never saw him due the slue of dudes that walked in after him, all of which had their collars popped/high as well (it was butt cold). While having to describe him and hoping he would just turn around so all could get a glimpse, I realized he was a cocky bastards. And when I initially saw him I remember the urge to just punch him in the face.
As all of this was coming back to me I began to think about something my girl Jael use to say, "The prettier you are the less you should talk," or something to that affect. I found I hadn't even heard him speak but I agreed and in some way disgusted. The disgust, I realized, came not from his looks but the look. It was his attitude. He new he looked good. The look wasn't the " I look hot TODAY" look(cuz we all get it) but, it was the "I'm so damn fine and don't even think I would look in your direction" look. It was then I decided to co-found an agency called Hooked on looks. Inspired by the Dude and Buster (the hooked special brother from the FOX TV series Arrested Development)
I thought of a program that would cause the two to merge. What if Dude had a hook. Dude wouldn't be so bad ass with a hook would he?? This brings my bahoogawolf theory into play. The bahoogawolf theory is pretty simple like most of my foolish theories. If someone is deformed or disfigured in anyway they can't be mean or rude almost ever, because it always comes back to the deformity. For example a one armed man cuts you off in traffic? Your reaction will almost always and instantly go to you one armed.. something. So how does Du-ster fit into this? The marriage of Jael and my theories will cause him to have to be even more careful of what he has to say. Yeah he'll be hot but...
Some caring /loving friend enters him into the program(rehab) where he'll have one of these deformities for a week,having to wear a hook or a contact that makes them look cock-eyed, a flipped foot - something out of the ordinary. After a week maybe he will have encounter a woman that says something like. "No I ain't talkin' to you Hook." Or If he tries to talk to a gal who sees through his smug appeal she'll respond.. "I'm sorry where you talking to me"( if cock-eyed).
He comes back a week or more later realizing he ain't so tough and his stench may not be so sweet after all. Maybe he continues to be an ass or being the wielder of the look, but not even Weight Watchers has all 100% success rate.
